...it makes me feel important and I absolutely detest being surrounded by poor people.
...I think food must automatically be better if it costs three times as much.
... you say "Ten items or fewer" not "Ten items or less", which is important
.. Tesco does not stock unicorn food
... I WILL NOT stand next to the scrumbags at Marks and Spencer
.. so people know that I'm filthy rich and therefore automatically better then they are
...Clarrisa's pony just WILL NOT eat ASDA Value straw.
Do I shop at Waitrose? Don't be silly. I've got servants who do that for me.
... as it's the only place where my kids' tantrums are classed as splendidly Montessori, darling.
... as Tabita and Tarquin only eat phoenix eggs that have been collected by the wizards who share their values.
... their swan burghers are good enough for the Queen
...the toilet paper is made from 24ct gold thread. (Unless its the Essentials range).
... darling, Harrods is just too much of a trek mid-week.
...I want to prove to Jeremy Kyle that I am not a 21-year-old dole scrounging father-of-two.
..I was once in the Holloway Road branch and heard a dad say "Put the papaya down, Orlando!